about layout and a sad goodbye

LAYOUT: i have changed my blogs layout- including the labels and stuff - and decided to go a theme that involves my profession. [and boy it is all over the page]
anyway, i was thinking of changing the template as well - but at the end decided against it..



A SAD GOODBYE:
a good friend of mine - who is 4 years younger than me - Bammie has finally decided to fly away into another country, where his mom is working as a nurse.
[he was suppose to go a week before but postponed it at the very last minute.]
and i wasn't there to send him off.
i purposely done that - because i am terrible at goodbyes.
i suck at it.
it's the only thing (besides from death) that could bring me to tears in seconds..
(sigh)
i know its not permanent and he'll be coming to visit in 5 or 6 months - but he's still not gonna be here.. he's not gonna be here to come unexpectedly into the house while i am sleeping just to say hi; or make jokes out of the blue; or do those crazy gymnast tricks in the middle of the street in front of other people.. haha.. makes me laugh remembering that.
oh gosh,
i miss him so so bad..

leader of the band

even though, it still hurts sometimes and i cry -
i know that somewhere within me i have secretly forgiven my father.
and although i don't say it often, i love my father with all my heart and life.

cousins are the best therapy! ever!

just had an hour long chat with my cousin Nenen over the phone - he's calling from Malaysia - and i never felt this happy since my birthday last year..
he just knows how to make me laugh and make me feel good.. [he knows me so well - since we grew up together and were born the same year..]
i love him with all my heart.
best cousin ever.:]

of rainy days, black-outs and friends

21st of April 2009

today,
a friend of mine gave birth to a bouncing baby girl - ALEXA ZEPHRA - and i was suppose to go to the hospital to visit her, but my usual laziness took me nowhere but to the nearest left side of the bed.
so anyway, instead of me going my dutiful mother went for me and stayed there until 9 in the evening.

when i woke up it was nearing noon, so i had to drag my butt out of bed to fix myself and my brother some lunch - but thankfully enough, as if its on cue, my brother could not be found anywhere in the house, so i had the house all by myself and made the unhealthiest food ever. hehe.

fast forward..

after i finished eating, i faintly heard the splitter splatter of an impending rain. so i went outside and lo and behold! it was pouring like there is no tomorrow and the sky was all lightning and thunder! [p.s. reminds self that i am afraid of lightning and thunder.] and then i look to my left and my mom's freshly done and hanged laundry was getting drenched! uh-oh.. so needless to say, i got really wet and from thinking that i could speed things up by taking a shortcut to the front door, i obtained a minor scratch on my left leg and a broken pot of my mother's favorite flower..:|

ayayay..

so, as i was returning from making sure that the clothes were hanged safely in a dry place - the inevitable happened - BLACK-OUT!!!!!!!!!
for a moment after the lights went off, i found myself with my mouth wide open and my eyebrows tightly knitted at the center of my forehead - trying to process what had just happened.. and to avoid further brain damage - i just silently went to the bathroom, lighted some candles and took a bath.. *phee-eeww..

err..
4 hours later, 10 minutes before 7 pm.
my friend Cj texted me [halleluia for friends!!] and asked me to come to another friend's house [which is on Peter St.] and have some of what they were drinking.. so needless to say, i was bored and alone at my house, so i decided to go - i grabbed a sweat and my umbrella and off i was.
upon arriving, i was immediately subjected to a shot of brandy [or whatever that was..] and another and another and another with a couple of ciggies and a whole lot of talking and laughing!.. **heehee..

gladly i didn't over indulge on the alcohol,
went home safe and
not a bit tipsy..
although when i got home mother was here and to avoid security detection and undeniably mind-numbing persecution - i immediately brushed my teeth, changed my clothes, pretended to sleep, and let her doze off [about a good 2 hours] 'til i could sneak out and write this blog [with lenny kravitz's american woman blasting through my earphones..]

---

holy shit,
it's 3 am already..
better sneak back to bed.

i would give half or even my whole life to let my uncle live and breathe again.
i feel that his existence is more worthied than mine..
he has always been the anchor of the clan and since he has passed away we have all drifted far from each other with some of us - slowly sinking and heading towards the abyss..

it has been 3 years.. and i still deeply miss him..

rain rain go away, come again another day

the only time that i actually like the rain - is when me and a bunch of friends are frolicking under it. the cool tiny drops of water pounding on my skin seems to drown every thing, and all was left was happiness and the feeling of wonder and excitement - like the first time i felt the grainy texture of the sand and the the waves on my bare feet, it was pure heaven..

but generally, i don't like it - especially when it rains at night.
all the coldness and the sense of sadness it emanates - it just doesn't work for me.

its raining right now [at8:05pm, 19th of April 2009].

a poem about love

A POEM I WROTE ON MY SENIOR YEAR IN H.S.

TITLE: YOU & ME

Like the soft warm breeze of the

You seemed like a little flower smiling at me

Humming to the tune of the bright sunshine

I am very glad that you are mine.

Seeing your body sway like the soft cloud

My mind just couldn't bear being so proud -

That you are my girl and my friend

And we'll always be together, until the end.

I love you - that is all I can say

And I hope tat you will always be here to stay

I promise to be your knight in shining armour

Never to let anyone hurt you because I will be your protector.

Then the two of us would be an indestructible team

And we would drift away into our fairy tale dreams -

Just like Wendy and Peter Pan,

We would fly away to the Never, never land.

We will build our castles in the air

And dance under the rain without any care

Then we would sleep under the moon -

Counting the stars formed like a spoon.

The two of us will conquer the seven seas

Then we would build our house up on the highest trees -

Just like Tarzan and Jane:

Wild, free and almost insane.

Then we would transfer from place to place -

Seeing different people , meeting different race

To Thailand, to Russia to France and Brazil

To the highest mountain up to the lowest hill.

And then we would rest on the sand of Ibiza -

Drinking wine and dancing salsa

And at the end of the day

We would be on each others arms - taking all our cares away.

--

Life, sometimes seems hard and full of adversity

But with you on my side I would not console any uncertainty -

For you gave me the strength to stand up for what I believe in

And I thank you for the hope that I keep within.

NOTE:

[Sigh..] I WISH I COULD BE IN LOVE. ACTUALLY, I WISH I COULD LET MYSELF BE IN LOVE.